you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
