Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
