im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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