omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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