it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
