I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
