I think I won the penis lottery.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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