cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
