Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
