just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
