just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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