Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
