he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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