there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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