Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
