so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
