And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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