she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
