I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
