when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
