Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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