No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can I color on your dick again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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