come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im part way to drunk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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