Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
