matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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