16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
