Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
