Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
time to smoke my breakfast
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
