I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
