; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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