Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
