What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
