so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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