just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
