So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
