I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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