maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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