New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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