Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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