Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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