Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wow bdsm is so cute
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