we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
