38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
