speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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