hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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