its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
