Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
