Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
