All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
