:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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