I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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