you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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