There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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