lets start a swedish sibling band together
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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