So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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