Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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