Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
