we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
