he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
