the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
